Tagged: Michael Bay

Time To Wake Up This Place!

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Hey!  Michael Bay
here.  Sorry to be gone so long.  How about a Top Ten prospect update!

 

1. Neftali Feliz (P) – When
I watch him, I’m like Homer Simpson and Mindy Simmons whispering “think unsexy
thoughts” to themselves.  He’s that
good.  I really can’t say any more about
this in public.

2. Tanner Scheppers (P) —
With all due respect to Finnerty, “Tanner Scheppers” doesn’t sound like an ace.
“Tanner Scheppers strikes out the side?” 
I think not.  More like “Top Chef runner-up
Tanner Scheppers owns a bistro in Couer D’Alene.”  But he’s pitching fantastic in the Arizona
Fall League.  (I also worry about 2nd-rounder
Tommy Mendonca, who’ll surely be called “Mendonkey” by opposing fans.  He’d better have a stout heart, and maybe
Rafael Palmeiro’s earplugs as well.)

 

3. Martin Perez (P) – People
say he’s the next Johan Santana.  Didn’t
Houston lose Santana in the Rule 5 draft?  I hope that doesn’t happen to Perez.

4. Justin Smoak (1B) – He
kind of laid an egg in AAA.  To think
that
Texas could have had Jason Castro, who might’ve solved the
catching problems I wrote about this spring. 
But then I remember that Smoak destroyed the best pitchers from
Europe in the World Cup, and I worry less. 


5. Kasey Kiker (P) – 21
years old and had the most strikeouts among
Texas‘s AA and AAA teams. 
Likes to hit people.  His dad was
smart enough not to give him a middle name starting with “K.” 

6. Mitch Moreland (OF) –
Just a straight shooter with upper management written all over him. 

7. Marcus Lemon (IF) – Had a
bad year in AA but is tearing up the
AFL.  Keep the faith.

8. Mike Bianucci (OF) – Wow,
.288 with 30 homers.  I guess I could’ve
driven up from my home in LA to
Bakersfield to catch him in person, but have you ever been
there? Cows, oil rigs and tweakers as far as the eye can see.  No thanks.

9. Wilmer Font (P) – I’m not totally sure who or what a “Wilmer Font” is, but
he’s young and threw almost as well as Perez.

10a.  Matt Nevarez (P) –  Like Font, I don’t know much about him, but I
see he struck out 50 in 35 innings in Hickory. 
Promising.  I wonder if they’ll
let him skip
Bakersfield like Perez and Feliz. 

10b. Kevin Richardson (C) –
Guess which Rangers catcher hit the most homers in 2009?  Someone named Doug Hogan.  But
Richardson was second. 
He hit 13 in AAA. 
Texas‘s so-called “Big Three” of Saltalamacchia,
Teagarden, and Max Ramirez combined for 20. 
Whoopee.  Let Salty and Tea fight
for the starting job, trade the loser, and make K-Rich the backup. 

 

Who’s disappointing me:  Michael Main (missed most of season with
ebola-like virus), Blake Beavan (Dude, Where’s My Strikeouts?), Max Ramirez
(can we bring back Kenny Lofton?), Engel Beltre (ugh). 

 

Unanswered questions: If
Hicks sells the Rangers soon, might Grady Fuson finally fulfill his dream of
becoming the GM?  Did Matt Purke know
that TCU is a real school with real classes and homework when he turned down
that cash?  Is Marlon Byrd the next Mark
Derosa or Gary Matthews?  If Ivan
Rodriguez is the answer, what is the question?

 

Other thoughts:  Sad to see blogger emeritus Jamey Newburg dissing
my man Finnerty over at Lone Star Ball. 
Thought he was above that sort of thing. 
I still read him – the dude’s forgotten more baseball than most ever
learned — but all the stuff about his kids and bad music (who admits to liking
Live?) wears me out.  Here at Crops, we’re
trying to be smart, on-topic, clairvoyant, AND entertaining. 

 

Emphasis on “trying,” since I
haven’t written a word in months. I’m no better than who I’m criticizing.  Maybe a little better.  Anyway, people need to chillax, me
included.  One love. 

 

In case you spent your
summer on Mars, the auteur
Michael Bay,
with whom I share a name and a love of life, dropped “Transformers: Revenge of
the Fallen.”  I pulled some strings to
catch a sneak preview and can attest that it will command your attention for
each of its 147 minutes, so if you didn’t catch it in the theater, rent it now
and crank up the blue ray.  Ignore the negative
reviews by grumps like the mean-spirited Roger Ebert, who’s busy enjoying Woody
Allen’s latest navel-gazer or some Dutch flick about troubled souls.  

 

–MFB

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I am SO on this!

You might have heard of “Mannywood,” a section of seats in Dodger Stadium’s left field named in honor of Mr. Ramirez last month. 

Well, as you might also have heard, Manny lost his honor and about one-third of his salary recently.  His replacement, the once-scorned Juan Pierre, is batting .391 and was the catalyst in tonight’s victory

I give you “JuanPierreWood.”  Ordered my tee the minute I saw it, baby.

How about Pierre and Andruw Jones sharing the Comeback Player of the Year award?  Do they have that in baseball?  Beats me.  They should if they don’t.

— MFB

Texas’s Catchers Ain’t All That

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Hey! Michael Bay here with some
random thoughts:

 

I’d praised catcher Max
Ramirez two weeks ago, but after his continued struggles I’m increasingly convinced
he’s not going to pan out.  Just think: The
Rangers believed they had three catching prospects over the winter.  With Taylor Teagarden also not hitting well and
Jarrod Saltalamacchia just getting by, now they have one at most.  Perhaps Teagarden should join Ramirez in AAA,
and
Texas could acquire a veteran catcher to assist Salty.  Eliezer Alfonzo is hitting .309 in Portland.  Maybe Texas‘ could offer someone like Jose Vallejo (who is
blocked at second and short here) for him. 

 

Some prospects Texas needs
to promote NOW:  C Manny Pina, 1B Justin
Smoak, OF Mitch Moreland, OF Tim Smith, OF Mike Bianucci, SP Kasey Kiker, SP
Martin Perez (Yeah, he’s 18, but he’s got a 2.70 ERA.  Nothing left to prove in the Sally League).  I would’ve added SP Omar Poveda to the list
in agreement with my buddy Fin, but he’s getting rocked today.    

 

Props to Ron Washington for
getting his Rangers off to a good start. 
Texas needs to pick up his 2010 option TODAY and give him
the job security he deserves.    

 

Funny: I wrote this last
week but was too busy to post it:  “Wanted
to point out that my man Juan Pierre is batting .367.  Not bad for a ‘fourth outfielder.’  He hit .283 last year and lost his job!  Life’s 
a bitch, huh?”

 

Well, thanks to Manny being
Manny,
Pierre now gets to play almost every day.  Being a Dodger fan in addition to the
Rangers, I didn’t want it to happen this way, but this could work out great for
LA. 
Pierre is proving his naysayers wrong (.426 average!), and
if the Dodgers foolishly still don’t want him, they can trade him for a top
prospect.  Intra-division trades aren’t
common, but
San
Francisco
will soon
need to replace 35-year-old Randy Winn. 
Maybe the Giants would fork over Madison Bumgardner and a decent
bat. 
Pierre‘s owed $28.5 million for 2009-2011, reasonable money
for a .300 average, steals, defense and veteran leadership.  San Fran could put him in center and move
Aaron Rowand to right.   

 

Finally, did you know film
director
Michael Bay
(with whom I share a name) earned $25 million for “
Pearl Harbor?”  It’s
true!  He once said, “I love it when
people get really mean and call you a ‘hack’. It’s like, don’t they see how
well these movies are doing?”  Man, that
guy embodies the American Dream. 

 

— MFB

Another Intro

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Hey!  My name’s Michael Bay.  I share a name with the director of “Transformers,”
but I don’t get to hang with Megan Fox. 
Life’s a bitch, huh?  I moved from
Dallas to LA in 2000, right when Texas quit winning, but I never quit loving them.  I try to catch them whenever they come to Anaheim, even though it means putting up with that stupid rally
monkey.  Fin and I have been buds
forever, and I couldn’t say no when he asked me to join his blog.  We aim to be the #1 source for analysis of
baseball’s best farm system.  Sully’s lightning-fast take on the Hamilton situation is exactly what I’m talking about.

 

For now, I’ll join the gang
and start off with my top ten Texas prospects:

 

1. Derek Holland – I’ll just
say it:  I’m in love with Derek Holland
and might get an operation so I can bear his children.  Lefthanded, throws mid 90s, rockets up the
system without breaking a sweat.  (Why
can’t more college players advance this quickly?)  God, I hope Texas doesn’t screw him up or
trade him for Adam Eaton.  Because that
would suck.  Just put him in the rotation
now and politely thank Kris Benson for his services.

 

2. Justin Smoak – I listen
to the
Dallas sports-talk stations on the internet.  A couple of Sundays ago, the afternoon guys on
105.3 were arguing about whether Smoak should be called up to replace Chris
Davis, who was hitting about .050.  One
guy said call up Smoak, the other thought he was insane in the membrane.  I agree with the first guy.  Call up Smoak, who’s already hitting .300 with
3 homers. 
Davis is doing better lately but is still killing the
offense with all those strikeouts.
Texas has a chance to win now.  Gotta play the hot hand. 

3. Max Ramirez – Max has
gotten off to a slow start, but he’s hit the snot out of the ball since he was
old enough to walk.  Some people say he
can’t play defense.  I say, think about
that play last year where he took that shot at home and recovered to throw out
another runner at third.  They’ll be
showing that for years.  If Teagarden can’t
get his act together in the next week or so, I say make a switch. 

4. Julio Borbon – I’m with
Sully.  Yeah, he doesn’t walk much, blah
blah blah.  Don’t bore me.  He can hit .300, run and play center.  What do you want?  He could be the next Juan Pierre (a great
player who’d be fine if the Dodgers hadn’t wrecked his confidence.  The Dodgers are my other fave, so I know what
I’m talking about). 

5. Neftali Feliz – I might’ve
ranked him first but I’m getting a little worried.  He walked more guys in AA than A last year,
and now he’s walking more in AAA than AA. 
I know he throws 100, but good grief. 
I’m not as down on him as Ron, though. 
(But even Ron knows Feliz won’t get sent back to
Clinton.  I think.  Sometimes it’s hard to know whether or not
Ron’s being sarcastic.)

6. Elvis Andrus – My buddy James
ranked him #1.  Call me a skeptic.  I keep hearing about his leadership skills,
but you can’t lead squat when you’re making errors in the 9th inning
every other game.  Some people see the
next Omar Vizquel.  I see Jose Offerman.  He won’t last at short botching critical
plays like that.  I bet
Texas already regrets moving Michael Young to third.

7. Michael Main – Most people
don’t know he was drafted after Blake Beavan (the cocky dude who said he had
the best slider on the Rangers when he was picked). 
Main‘s pitched
better and keeps his piehole shut.  Like
Feliz, I would’ve ranked him higher but he’s getting killed in
Bakersfield right now.  Texas should send him down a level to restore his
confidence. 

8. Wilfredo Boscan – Had a
3.12 ERA and struck out a batter per inning in
Spokane (Texas‘s “short-season” team) as a 17-year-old.  Crazy. 
Doing the same thing this season until he got hurt.  Hopefully it’s not serious. 

9. Marcus Lemon – All he’s
done is outplay Jose Vallejo at every level. 
Younger, too.  No projection, my
***.  I want guys who get the job done
(like Sully’s #9 Timmy Smith). 

10. Mitch Moreland – Here’s
the guy I hope to watch in person while he’s still in
Bakersfield.  Big, strong,
hits .300 with power, can play outfield and first, will get a chance to
pitch.  Needs to be in Frisco as soon as
Smoak is promoted.  Baseball
America put Joaquin Freaking Arias (who’s been a pile of
suck for years) in its top 30 and left off Moreland?  And Lemon? 
Unbelievable. 

Also, dear Jon Daniels: fire
Ron Washington yesterday and give the job to Jackie Moore.  Remember when 73-year-old Jack McKeon took
over the Marlins midseason and guided them to the World Series? 
Moore is older than dirt but has experience coaching
youngsters from his days in Round Rock. 
He could be the next McKeon if Daniels and Hicks can man up and admit
that hiring
Wash was a mistake. 


— MFB