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Hey! My name’s Michael Bay. I share a name with the director of “Transformers,”
but I don’t get to hang with Megan Fox.
Life’s a bitch, huh? I moved from
Dallas to LA in 2000, right when Texas quit winning, but I never quit loving them. I try to catch them whenever they come to Anaheim, even though it means putting up with that stupid rally
monkey. Fin and I have been buds
forever, and I couldn’t say no when he asked me to join his blog. We aim to be the #1 source for analysis of
baseball’s best farm system. Sully’s lightning-fast take on the Hamilton situation is exactly what I’m talking about.
For now, I’ll join the gang
and start off with my top ten Texas prospects:
1. Derek Holland – I’ll just
say it: I’m in love with Derek Holland
and might get an operation so I can bear his children. Lefthanded, throws mid 90s, rockets up the
system without breaking a sweat. (Why
can’t more college players advance this quickly?) God, I hope Texas doesn’t screw him up or
trade him for Adam Eaton. Because that
would suck. Just put him in the rotation
now and politely thank Kris Benson for his services.
2. Justin Smoak – I listen
to the Dallas sports-talk stations on the internet. A couple of Sundays ago, the afternoon guys on
105.3 were arguing about whether Smoak should be called up to replace Chris
Davis, who was hitting about .050. One
guy said call up Smoak, the other thought he was insane in the membrane. I agree with the first guy. Call up Smoak, who’s already hitting .300 with
3 homers. Davis is doing better lately but is still killing the
offense with all those strikeouts. Texas has a chance to win now. Gotta play the hot hand.
3. Max Ramirez – Max has
gotten off to a slow start, but he’s hit the snot out of the ball since he was
old enough to walk. Some people say he
can’t play defense. I say, think about
that play last year where he took that shot at home and recovered to throw out
another runner at third. They’ll be
showing that for years. If Teagarden can’t
get his act together in the next week or so, I say make a switch.
4. Julio Borbon – I’m with
Sully. Yeah, he doesn’t walk much, blah
blah blah. Don’t bore me. He can hit .300, run and play center. What do you want? He could be the next Juan Pierre (a great
player who’d be fine if the Dodgers hadn’t wrecked his confidence. The Dodgers are my other fave, so I know what
I’m talking about).
5. Neftali Feliz – I might’ve
ranked him first but I’m getting a little worried. He walked more guys in AA than A last year,
and now he’s walking more in AAA than AA.
I know he throws 100, but good grief.
I’m not as down on him as Ron, though.
(But even Ron knows Feliz won’t get sent back to Clinton. I think. Sometimes it’s hard to know whether or not
Ron’s being sarcastic.)
6. Elvis Andrus – My buddy James
ranked him #1. Call me a skeptic. I keep hearing about his leadership skills,
but you can’t lead squat when you’re making errors in the 9th inning
every other game. Some people see the
next Omar Vizquel. I see Jose Offerman. He won’t last at short botching critical
plays like that. I bet Texas already regrets moving Michael Young to third.
7. Michael Main – Most people
don’t know he was drafted after Blake Beavan (the cocky dude who said he had
the best slider on the Rangers when he was picked). Main‘s pitched
better and keeps his piehole shut. Like
Feliz, I would’ve ranked him higher but he’s getting killed in Bakersfield right now. Texas should send him down a level to restore his
8. Wilfredo Boscan – Had a
3.12 ERA and struck out a batter per inning in Spokane (Texas‘s “short-season” team) as a 17-year-old. Crazy.
Doing the same thing this season until he got hurt. Hopefully it’s not serious.
9. Marcus Lemon – All he’s
done is outplay Jose Vallejo at every level.
Younger, too. No projection, my
***. I want guys who get the job done
(like Sully’s #9 Timmy Smith).
10. Mitch Moreland – Here’s
the guy I hope to watch in person while he’s still in Bakersfield. Big, strong,
hits .300 with power, can play outfield and first, will get a chance to
pitch. Needs to be in Frisco as soon as
Smoak is promoted. Baseball America put Joaquin Freaking Arias (who’s been a pile of
suck for years) in its top 30 and left off Moreland? And Lemon?
Also, dear Jon Daniels: fire
Ron Washington yesterday and give the job to Jackie Moore. Remember when 73-year-old Jack McKeon took
over the Marlins midseason and guided them to the World Series? Moore is older than dirt but has experience coaching
youngsters from his days in Round Rock.
He could be the next McKeon if Daniels and Hicks can man up and admit
that hiring Wash was a mistake.